This blog explores the physical, mental and spiritual aspects of total health with some children's stories thrown in to break the intensity.

Posts tagged ‘Learning how to deal with newly diagnosed cancer’

Summary of My New Adventure


Lee has been telling me that I need to summarize my cancer experience.  This is my attempt to do so.

 

My life has mostly involved blessing with very little suffering.  Most of the pain  suffered was second hand–feeling hurt for others.  Never complete in my mind or heart was my understanding of the benefits of having hard things in our lives.  (Is it possible that one must go through trials to understand how they can help us?)

 

When I was diagnosed with cancer and had my first surgery in January of 2007, my first reaction was fear.  To compound this I had a nightmare in which I went to Hell.  This was no garden variety dream, it was a prophetic dream, of which I have had a few.

 

Throughout the following months, my mind played back sins of my life like movies one after the other.  Many of these remembrances had been deeply buried, but they came to the surface one by one.   Any of these that I could make restitution for, I did.  The others I brought to the mercy seat.  The effect of all of this was a very deep understanding of my sin sometimes to the point of despair.  Coupled with my Hell nightmare, this made for a difficult journey.  I really could see no end to the depths of my sin or any way God could forgive and love me, in spite of all the teaching I have had to the contrary.

 

Throughout this period God did speak comfort into my life through  sermons, through other people and through the Psalms.  The Psalms were the only scripture I could read for a long while.  These things were like a life line to me, and anytime I heard an echo of God anywhere, I clung to it as a sign of God’s love.

 

When a second cancer occurred in November of 2007, I asked for prayer.  Many prayed as they had for me all through this experience. ( My gratitude for this is huge!)  Ivy ( a missionary from Nigeria) especially labored in prayer.  She received an impression of God’s great love for me.

 

My experience of God that day of surgery rivaled that of my salvation in 1970.  It was not a smooth day– many things went wrong starting with me not being on the surgical schedule.  Then there was great difficulty getting the IV in and there were some other painful and unpleasant experiences.  Throughout all of it, I felt overwhelming peace and love, maybe more so than at meeting Jesus initially.  The difference this time was that I knew how ugly my heart is.  Yet, the love from God was total and encompassing.

 

The understanding of God’s love finally made the journey from my head to my heart.  Would I go back to being cancer free if it meant losing this heart knowledge?  No, definitely not!

 

Recently God sent a woman into my life to speak some very hard truths.  She asked some simple but fundamental questions:

 

  1. Do I view God as for me (or for my purposes) or do I view myself as for His purposes?  To address this same question, How do I pray?  Do I ramble on about my concerns, or do I ask God about His concerns?  Do I pray for His will to be done?

 

  1. Am I a woman not only of prayer but of action?

 

  1. Do I listen to God constantly not just in my quiet time?

 

4.  Who is in the driver’s seat and who is in the passenger seat in my vehicle?  Who is in control of my life?

 

Tying this all together is a story of my granddaughter, Ellie.  Recently, I babysat for a little over a week.  Ellie was on the verge of potty training, but one snag in this process was that Ellie loved her Ariel (a Disney mermaid–princess character) pull up diapers.  We went through a stack of these until we were down to the last one.  Ellie would not let me change her into anything else as she insisted “My diaper’s clean.”

 

I pointed out that it was wet, sagging  and starting to fall apart.  Ellie looked at it and recognized the truth of what I said.  She then looked at me and said “Well, it’s almost clean.”

 

My thinking was similar to Ellie’s.   Justification of my thoughts and actions could put me in that place in speaking of my heart–”Well, it’s almost clean.”

 

This cancer adventure has made me understand that there is nothing in me to warrant God’s love, yet inexplicably, He still has a greater love for me than I can ever understand.  I thank God for bringing me to this point no matter the future outcome.  May all the good that He intends to bring from this cancer yet come to pass.  May it be for my good and the good of others especially my family.       Amen

 

 

Living with Uncertainty – from May 21, 2008


The last 2 times I have seen my oncologists, Dr. Bethke, the surgeon, and Dr. Merkel, the medical oncologist,  the same scenario played out.  A

month ago, I went to see Dr. Bethke because of lumps in my breasts.  Since the first episode of cancer, anytime I had lumps they did a mammogram and ultrasound.  Last month Dr. Bethke did not do that.  He checked the lumps and said it was okay.  The same thing happened again yesterday.

 

I was not happy.  I wanted to know that the lumps did not signal a return of cancer as they had with my second ductal carcinoma in situ.  Even though I made this clear to the doctors during these past 2 visits, they stood firm.

 

Immediately after coming home, I continued my pout and took my complaints to God, saying “I have been doing my part of taking care of myself  why aren’t you doing your part? “

 

It took me the rest of the day to reach the point where I was able to say,”Lord it is my joy to do your will in this matter.”  I think that the new addition to the adventure is learning to live in more uncertainty.  There is a level of trust in this that I have not had to reach before.  I am not in control and I must fully admit that and choose to have peace knowing God is in control.

 

Today in Elijah House, we studied “Grieving Losses”.  The stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, then finally acceptance unless one gets stuck or detoured.  We agreed that it was necessary to go through these stages and be honest about it, with God and others.  So I make no apology for my pout or my yelling at God.  He is big enough to take it and he does not need me to say spiritual words that are not really in my heart yet.  Honesty works if you are willing to let Him help you move along.

 

Persevering


This past week I had all the symptoms of a period without the period: the cramps, sore breasts, and pre-menstrual depression.  For two days, I retreated into reading and eating, both of which I thought I had gotten past as false refuges.  Part of the problem is that along with the pre-menstrual symptoms I have 3 new lumps.  This is in spite of being bra free, taking tamoxifen to block the estrogen, eating a vegan diet and doing massage.

 

I have an oncology  appointment scheduled On May 20th anyway so I can have them checked.  Yet, my reaction was kind of passive aggressive anger at God.  Kind of like, “Hey, I am doing all I can, how about a break?”

 

It always fascinates me the ways that God can speak if you will just listen.   He is not limited in the means through which He can relate to us.  (Remember he spoke to Baalam through a donkey.)

 

Lee and I went to see “Prince Caspian” at the movies.  I felt like the message was just for me and it was this:  He who perseveres to the end will be saved.  And I do not mean in a physical way.  I mean that our life will not be easy and we will have to stick it out when we want to give up.

 

I have never felt like God promised me a miraculous healing even though I have seen and experienced that kind of healing before.  What I feel has been His promise to me is that I will never be without Him.

 

Throughout the whole movie I had tears running down my cheeks because, once again, God came to meet me where I was.  Amazing!

 

The physical counterpart to this is the encouragement I received to keep plugging away in learning how to care for my body (and to pass it along to others).  This came from a long phone conversation with Ralph Reed, a biochemist,  who has become somewhat of an expert (although he would make no claims of being one) on constrictive clothing and its link to  cancer, as well as various related topics.  His main focal point has been promoting bra free living for women because it is so much more healthful.  This man’s passion to move mankind’s body of knowledge forward, when it is not even a personal concern to him, touched my heart.

 

Opening the eyes and ears of your heart to hear God speak in any way brings deep blessings.  Opening your eyes and ears to your brain in spite of a lifetime of teachings and traditions that go against that information also has great rewards.  We do not have to continue in our practiced ways of thinking and acting that are wrong and damaging.  God is available to help us.

 

 

Replacing the Big C


 

Because I had cancer twice in 2007, the specter of cancer has loomed in my mind somewhere ever since.  Sometimes it has been just a vague shadow, but it has never been completely gone.

A few weeks back, I had a discussion with God and told him that I would like to switch the cancer in my mind for Him.  My desire was that thoughts of cancer would be replaced with thoughts of God.  I asked a friend to pray this for me also.  Almost immediately, it happened.  The Big C was replaced by the big G.  I have waited for any relapse, but with any thought of cancer I immediately say “By His stripes, I am healed.”

The big test came this past Monday.

I went to the funeral of a woman about whom I blogged earlier.  I was hooked up to her last summer by circumstances that I thought were arranged by God.  She turned me on to the DVD’s and teachings by Dr. Lorraine Day.  This woman, Judy, had been fanatical about diet and exercise.  Judy thought God had healed her from her breast cancer and that she was maintaining that healing by caring for her body.  I don’t know the whole story, but somehow she went from glorious health to death in a matter of months.

My only contact with Judy was a couple of phone conversations.  Nevertheless she impacted my life.  Her death could have fed those old fears and put the big C back in my brain.  Yet it is not my strength that is doing the replacing.  It is God’s answer to prayers.

For the physical side of health, I pass on a recipe that was given to me by a friend.  Juice a few tomatoes, a few stalks of celery, a handful of spinach  and a handful of baby carrots, plus a little garlic, and add a shake of sea salt and pepper.  You could live off of this stuff.  I was getting burned out on carrot juice– that needed some replacing also.

Our Gift to You – from February 27, 2008


People with cancer have been given a gift.  It is up to each of them to choose whether to accept that gift or not.  The gift is this:  they are allowed to know that death is real. They are given an opportunity to examine their lives, to make amends, to forgive,to live life intentionally, and to reach out to God.

 

Anyone around those with cancer can come along on this journey also.  It is our gift to you.  As one with cancer, I have noticed how many, maybe most, shy away from this gift.

 

I will admit that this is not an easy present to be given or to give.  Here, however, is an interesting fact.  In a west coast hospital oncology unit, a survey was taken of the staff about how they would choose to die.  These were people who worked with cancer patients daily.  80% of them said they would choose to die from cancer.  My mother overheard a conversation of nurses talking near her when she was at the hospital for cancer treatment.  They were saying exactly the same thing–cancer is the way they would choose to die.

 

Some people have reacted by drawing away from me since my cancer.  I have read from others blogs, etc. that this is a common reaction.  My take on this is this:  the gift is too much for them.  I have seen a strong thread of denial running through us all, sometimes in those with cancer themselves.  We want to live on Earth as if this will be our home forever.

 

I have learned in art and photography that the interplay between shadows and light is crucial.  Shadows enable the beauty of the light.  An acceptance of death lets us jump into life.

 

So embrace me and my fellow cancer adventurers, we have a gift for you!  It is not an easy gift, but it could be a lasting one.

 

 

Another Crisis and Going Deeper


I had another early mammogram and ultrasound for numerous lumps mostly in the non- cancer breast two days ago on February 20th.  The night before this I felt panicked and contacted people for prayer to help me get through this.  The crisis for me was actually the valley of decision.  Even with prayer and Bible study, I felt unable to decide what my next step would be.  I knew that if they found cancer, they would recommend  double mastectomies and chemo.

In truth, I felt that if I had 3 separate cancers in 14 months, then it was pretty much just shaping up to “my time to go”.  Going through all of these things (chemo and mastectomies), if it would not really help, just did not seem right, especially since I have someplace better to go.

Yet, I know my family’s feelings on the matter.  To not do all that is possible to fight the cancer would make them feel deserted and unloved.  Herein was the source of my quandary and my panic.

At any rate, the testing showed many cysts, too numerous to count on the right as well as a few small ones on the left (the cancer side).  They saw no evidence of cancer– thanks be to God.

The prayers of my loved ones were awesome, as usual, giving me great peace on the day of the tests.  However, my closest friend (besides Lee) pointed out to me that I may be relying on the efforts of others on my behalf and not enough just on God himself.  After my initial defensiveness, I heard what she was saying and the love which she said it.  So here is the “going deeper” part.

I have decided to really talk things over more constantly with God and let him truly be my strong tower.  As much as we need community, there can be a reliance on that over God.  In practical terms this translates to more time.  How do you spell love?  T-I-M-E!  We give time to those we really love.

On the physical side,  Lee and I are going deeper in treating our bodies as temples of God.  Knowing that cooking kills vitamins and live enzymes, Lee and I have ventured into the world of raw food diets.

This sounds much harder than it really is and we still are not 100% on this.  We are using 2 cookbooks “Ani’s Raw Food Kitchen” by Ani Phyo and “Raw–The Uncook Book” by Juliano.  I love eating this way and Lee is not complaining much.  It is very satisfying and most of the recipes are good.

I am taking the numerous cysts as a warning though.  They are definitely hormonally related as they came and worsened during a month long period.  I have an appointment next week to see my medical oncologist to come up with a plan to combat these hormones.  Fibrocystic breast disease is linked with breast cancer.  Cysts are definitely a warning that there is a problem and I will continue to be proactive– I will just be asking God more constantly for advice.

It’s Okay


If you think anything stays the same, stick around.  Life is change.  I was just starting to think of myself as a cancer survivor and voila,  cancer again.  Due to God’s mercy, it was small and contained and possibly will just need the lumpectomy that I had to biopsy it as the complete treatment without more intervention right now.

What have I learned from this new episode?  Lots!  The prayers of God’s people are palpable and effective.  The day of my surgery, it felt like I had been given some kind of tranquilizer–only better.  The peace of God was so tangible, and others commented on it also.  Even when things were not smooth and in order, I knew God was in charge and it was okay.  When I first went in, they did not have me on the schedule because I had been added in and someone forgot to put me on the needle localization schedule.  Instead of fretting, I calmly told them I knew they would take care of it.  They did.  When the doctor tried to put in an IV, the first 3 tries blew out the veins.  I calmly sat and encouraged her.

The biggest thing I have learned is that no matter what you do, all is in God’s hands.  If you are seeking him then nothing that happens is bad.

It is okay!

Entries from April to August 2007


Thursday, August 30, 2007

Moving On

Nutrition books continue to fascinate me but I am not reading them and cancer books as voraciously as I did. Maybe I am starting to actually feel like a survivor instead of having the word cancer emblazoned on the inside of my eyelids as it was for a while.

In the figure drawing class which I just started, when we casually talk about diet, I can state that my reason for eating the way I do is to “be healthy” instead of “to help me beat cancer”. “My cancer” is no longer an important subject for me to discuss.

Never again do I want to slide back into complacency. My body is the temple of God and I want to have absolute respect for that. Also, life is slipping by at lightning pace and– I want to soak it in, especially relationships.

I just read another book called The Hallelujah Diet which recommends, in addition to eating no meat (I eat fish), a diet of 85 per cent raw fruits and veggies. All of the nutrition books have in common recommending no white flour, rice or sugar and most recommend using no sweeteners at all and limiting sweets to fruit only. Most seem to prefer only a small amount of your diet to consist of the fruit ( approx. 15 per cent) and high fat foods such as nuts. As grains are acidifying these are to be a smaller portion of your diet also.

Am I doing all of this? Yes, to the best of my ability. I am still juicing about 3 lbs. of carrots a day with a little less than a lb. of celery. I am eating salads usually for lunch and having fish and raw veggies or cooked veggies for dinner. One would think I would be losing weight but it is not happening. Juices are high in calories. I am just reaching the point that I am ready to address weight loss. It was the least of my concerns until now.

Spiritually I wish I could say I have a routine going. It is still all over the map with my Bible reading, praying and journaling. Finally I have moved on from the Psalms to Proverbs and it feels like I am leaving another comfort zone. Psalms were a balm for my spirit and I have been loath to leave them.

Posted by Kathy

at 9:43 AM

0 comments

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Juicing

The skinny on juicing is that it is not so skinny. A cup of carrot juice is 90 calories. A cup of celery juice is 60 and fruit juices are much higher.

Does that mean you should not juice? I don’t think so. Juicing is good for many reasons.

We are told to get 9 to 11 servings of veggies and fruits daily. Is that possible? Not for me. Juicing gives me the nutrients from those servings that I would never eat.

What about the fiber? Juicing does not mean you stop eating your veggies and fruits. Ideally these still comprise the bulk of your diet along with whole grains and some fish. (Personally I have come to believe that we can do without the red meat and pork and chicken along with most processed foods.)

I am juicing about two pounds of carrots with one pound of celery along with what ever is on sale (like broccoli or cabbage or spinach). Occasionally I will add an apple and sometimes if I see red grapes on sale I will juice them with apples and celery. If possible I stay organic. This only makes sense to me–why add chemicals to our overloaded bodies?

The juice is delicious. Along with the juice, veggies, fruit and fish, I include supplements. I am trying to find out just what the consensus is on this and there seems to be a constant change in what is recommended. This is not surprising since they are learning more about nutrition every day. I just finished a great book called BECOMING VEGAN by Davis and Melina, dietitians. It is packed with good info and I will synopsize it in future blogs.

Basically though, I think if we stick to what God made naturally we will be okay. Key to this is also embracing God’s variety of foods. I can easily get stuck in a rut. Eat a lot of different foods with a lot of different colors.

More important than all of this is our time with God. I have decided to be on my knees literally every day. Knowing where your help comes from is crucial to good living. Our bodies are the temples of God and should be treated as such. But what good is the temple without God there?

Posted by Kathy

at 11:56 AM

0 comments

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Who and What Can You Depend On?

Loneliness and self examination are very good. Ultimately, everyone must find out that there are parts of this journey of life that you have to do alone. No one can go with you or help you at those parts. Getting prepared for this means you must have some times when you recognize that getting born and leaving here involve just you alone. And God.

The benefit to something that majorly disrupts your life (like losing someone close to death or getting a life threatening disease) is that it opens your eyes to this fact. As much as you want to depend on others, it will finally just be you and God. Alone times can help you to focus on that relationship.

How? The only way I know to relate to God is to be totally honest– no thees or thous or being nicey nicey. I pour out my heart to him either out loud or sometimes in writing. If I am angry or sad I tell him that. I have even yelled at God–not that I necessarily recommend that.

I try to remember that when I speak out his attributes in praise of Him, it changes my view of everything. And thanksgiving also helps put things in perspective. Sometimes if you start with these, your anger or sadness is more moderated without God’s intervention.

Praying for those that I love or those in need in some way is my labor of love. The amazing gift of being lifted up in prayer is like no other. Personally, I think it is the most profoundly loving thing you can do for someone.

Accumulating garbage in my heart is a regular occurrence and I need His help with that. These are things like not forgiving when I am hurt or being self focused or greedy. This is sin pure and simple (although we all hate that word). Sin is anything that comes between me and God. It also comes between me and others. Jesus said in his Reader’s Digest version of the Bible to love God and to love others. Anything less than this is sin. I keep asking for his help until the change is accomplished in me knowing that some things are started by me but must be divinely finished. Some changes may take a lifetime.

Lastly, I listen by praying that He opens my eyes and ears and then I read the Bible. I have a highlighter handy and I feel free to write anything that strikes me in my Bible and highlight passages that are either promises or prayers or that seem to speak to me.

It is the catalyst of Jesus Christ that makes this all work. He is the missing piece to the puzzle and without him it is just human effort alone (including other religions which all have false gods). This seems harsh and narrow, but the truth generally is that way. The truth is the truth whether you choose to believe it or not. You can write your own Bible, worship a false god or worship yourself, but good luck with that. You will soon find that your power is not that great, nor are any of the other gods really empowered.

I am not saying there is no truth at all in other religions. Truth is written on our hearts. At least until we start to cover up our wisdom with knowledge. Children naturally have faith and wonder. It is not until we become hardened, jaded and arrogant that the truth on our hearts gets obscured. So you may say Buddha spoke some great teachings. I won’t disagree. I will just say that in no other God is salvation to be found as well as power over all the universe except in Jesus.

Try Him and see. Pray that He reveal himself to you and then start talking to Him and reading the Bible. If you have a hard time believing, look at the major relationships in your life especially your mom and dad. Generally you see God like you see you parents (and face it all parents are less than perfect). It may come down to your issues and problems alone or it may have been mistakes that they made in raising you. It does not really matter. Open your eyes and address these things. Forgive and be forgiven. You will probably need help with this as most of us are blind when it comes to looking at our own hearts. I recommend Elijah House International. They have groups all over the world as well as trained counselors.

Now for the physical side, I forgot to say that the nutritionist recommended the D3 form of the D vitamin. This is the animal form of the vitamin. D2 (from veggies) is the source that a true vegan would choose. I have also been reading a great book by 2 nutritionists and I will pass along the best of it when I am done.

Posted by Kathy

at 10:40 AM

0 comments

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Six Months Down the Road

It is now July and I realized that 6 months have passed since my surgery. To me it is literally time to cross the line from cancer to post cancer. In church today, I felt no need to discuss my story with people anymore. That must be a sign of moving to the next phase.

There are still things that I am living with that are changes to me. First is fatigue that practically drops me in place at times which comes without preamble. Next, the muscles under my left arm feel like tight bands and will not loosen with massage, stretching or exercise. And, I have daily headaches–usually not severe or longlasting. These I actually associate (rightly or wrongly) with the hormonal changes of menopause which the tamoxifen brought about. None of these aftereffects are major or really hard to live with.

The fatigue may be the result of the new diet. I saw a nutritionist who works in association with the new oncologist whom I saw last month at Evanston Hospital. She stated that the fatigue was because of the small amount of protien in my diet. As a result of the talk with her, I added fish to my foods. However, if I don’t deliberately work at getting enough fish, I get slammed again with the tiredness. This is obviously a process that requires fine tuning.

As a physical therapist, I have been using my bag of tricks to loosen the muscles which are tight since the surgery. Perhaps the combination of surgery and radiation extends the healing time, but none of my tricks has worked. I am going for a massage next week and I plan to ask for concentration on those muscles.

Headaches are a problems not so easily addressed. I have a name of an integrative medicine doctor and I plan to make an appointment in a month if they are not decreasing.

I mention these things because there may be people dealing with the same issues and thinking they are alone in these things. Generally speaking, these all seem minor in comparison with having a chance to live because of the surgery and radiation.

Here are some things that I learned from the oncologist and the nutritionist.

1.) It is pretty much a trade off in chances of decreasing the return of breast cancer with the tamoxifen and the chances of getting other side effects from the tamoxifen with my estrogen negative and 20% progesterone positive status. The possibility of getting cancer in the right breast is actually a little higher than the chance of getting recurrence in the left– around 10% on the right and a little higher on the right. These go up, not down, as time passes.

2.) Eating a low fat diet (less than 20% fat) decreases my chances of recurrence by 43% according to the WINS study ( a comprehensive, controlled nutritional study of women who had been treated for breast cancer).

3.) Because of the Omega 3 fats in fish, there is a protective benefit from them in addition to the addition of protein to my diet.

4.) It is better to seek foods to give you the nutrients than to take a supplement. For instance, eat 2 brazil nuts a day and you have your selenium quotient, however don’t eat or take more because a surplus of selenium makes you lose your hair. Another food that gives you nutrients that are important is milled flaxseed. Instead of taking flaxseed oil, use 3 TBSP of the flaxseed a day in smoothies, on salads, in oatmeal, or on toast.

5.) A vegan needs to take vitamin D in the RDA amount, as well as B12, calcium, and magnesium. If you get 15 to 20 minutes a day of sun (more if you are dark skinned) then you probably won’t need Vitamin D. Vitamins A and D are fat soluble which means you must be careful of your doses as unneeded portions will not just wash thru your body as they do with the water soluble ones.

6.) The less processing of any kind to a food the more nutrition you get (with few exceptions). (Carrots can be more easily absorbed if they are grated or cooked.)

7.) Nutrition is very complex and basically the way that God made and packaged our food is the best way to have it. Combinations of nutients are often important in their absorbability. A variety of colors of fruits and veggies is best. The nutritionist said we should get 9 to 11 servings daily.

8.) She said she does take a multivitamin. She buys a natural vitamin made from food sources from Whole Foods. She actually switches brands to get variety.

9.) She recommended eating chicken as well, but I could not see the benefit of this.

10.) She saw no problem with eating milk products or eggs if you limited them to keep the fat content low. When I explained about having sinus problems when I had milk products, she said she noted that she did also and stayed pretty much away from them for that reason.

That addresses the physical aspects of life after cancer.

The spiritual facets are changing also. Unfortunately, as I get farther away from the cancer scare, I find complacency drifting back in to my life. The best way I have found to keep in touch with God is by writing Him letters almost every day. I am still underlining promises in the Bible and working my way thru the higher chapters of Psalms now. Mike Woodruff, at Christ Church, Lake Forest, has been preaching thru Acts. Listening to stories about Paul in adversity makes me realize that no matter what else I do, ultimately my fate is completely in the hands of God. No life boat or plan that I devise will ever change that. That, for me, is the ultimate comfort. I don’t want to be dependent on my own efforts. Why? Because God is able and good all the time.

More Adventures -  May 17, 2007

A few weeks ago, I went to our 25 acre farm in WV. My plans were to have a healthful time of eating veggies, Bible reading, and prayer to finish my healing process from the cancer. There I was enjoying nature and the beauty of the WV hills as well as my times of listening to Bible tapes and the good healthy food.

Much to my surprise, I noticed a lump under my arm and then in my breast, both near the original cancer site. I waited until my husband came for the weekend so he could confirm it, which he did.

From my reading, I understand that the medical community does not offer hope once the cancer has metastasized beyond the breast. They will do surgery, chemo, etc but not as a cure.

Because of what I felt was God’s leading (the events that I spoke of in my last blog), I felt definitively that I did not want further destruction to my body. I want to build my immune system and let my body fight off the invader.

I shared this desire for no further treatment with my family members and close friends, telling them that I felt it was a waste to see the doctor as I felt the lumps had to be cancer because of their proximity to the first site. My family had varied reactions but almost universal was their desire for me to see the doctor.

Because of this I went to see the doctor this week instead of in June when it was scheduled. After an exam, a mammogram, and an ultrasound, it was determined that I have fluid filled cysts and nothing of concern.

Needless to say, I am thanking God. The huge specter of active cancer is no longer looming over me.

In the midst of all of this, I received the DVD’s that I ordered as a result of the events in my last blog. They are by Dr Lorraine Day. In them she purports radical nutritional changes, including no meat, and a diet of only veggies and fruit and fresh juice plus limited whole grains and almonds. She allows no sweeteners of any kind and no processed foods. This seemed not unreasonable to me at all when I was staring death in the face. Actually it still seems reasonable to me.

I have been juicing (with my husband) 10 pounds of organic carrots a day. I am turning a little orange. In truth, I love this diet. I am never hungry and the food is so satisfying. The sugar cravings are much better– although I admit meat and coffee still smell great. Dr Day also proposes a very low fat diet in terms of eating minimal olive oil and only a few almonds. She has many other specifics and reasons for each instruction.

Dr Day had stage 4 breast cancer with metastasis to the bone, muscle and lymphatics. Her tumor was grapefruit size. At one point she was literally at death’s door, unable to keep down any food or fluid. She had tried the nutritional program that she encourages but it had not worked for her. She then began a full program which she calls the 10 health commandments including much time in the Bible and prayer. She goes into this in her video “You Can’t Improve on God”.

I also bought the workbook that goes with this. She expounds on her theological beliefs which are not conventional at all. I do not agree with her on her thinking but I found it interesting reading.

Her medical and nutritional advice made great sense to me. I also agreed that healing cannot be accomplished apart from God and his Word.

So here I am turning orange and trying to change a lifetime of habits and loving it. I am trying also to establish new habits in feeding my spirit.

Because God has been with me every step of the way, I feel this is a joyful journey. I still feel that all of this is for my good and the good of my family. I am excitedly anticipating the good things that God will bring about from this adventure.

The 2 verses that have been with me are “Though He slay me, yet I will trust Him.” from Job, and “If I perish, I perish” from Esther. They sound morbid but in truth they are a great comfort to me.

The knowledge that when everything else is stripped away the foundation is rock solid is hugely comforting. In spite of this, there are three things that are not comfortable. 1.)The prospect of coming face to face with God brings trembling. In no way am I ready for that except that Christ will cover me and hide my shortcomings and failures. The thought of being with God paradoxically brings great joy. I know that the greatest joys in my life won’t compare to being with God. 2.)The process of dying itself is such an unknown. 3.) And lastly leaving Lee behind would be like cutting out my heart. He is my heart.

Preparation for News May 3, 2007

Yesterday I went to take some genotyping info to my GP. It is a blood test that can be done to determine if your liver has the enzymes to metabolize a specific medication. (Genotyping can be done for other things too, but this is my application.) I want to know if the Tamoxifen I am taking to inhibit estrogen will do me any good.

While I was there, I got a copy of the reports the oncologists sent to my doctor. They were much more dire than the reports my oncologists gave me. Essentially, they said that because of the family history of cancer, the grade of cancer(3-at the aggressive end of the scale), the estrogen negativity, and the opposite side site of atypical hyperplasia, I am at significant risk of recurrence. If recurrence happens anywhere but the same site, they basically consider it to be terminal cancer.

If I had this report 2 days earlier, I would have been devastated. However, because of God’s intervention on Tuesday (see my last blog), I still feel hopeful.

Before Tuesday, I had an underlying feeling that the cancer would come back and kill me. I cannot say for sure that it still won’t happen, but now I feel overwhelmingly optimistic.

The physical tip and the spiritual tip coincide today. God is in charge of your adventure. Take it a day at a time and trust that He has a customized plan for you.

Divine Appointments  May 3, 2007

I had an appointment, I thought, at the church on Tues. It turned out I had mixed things up.

Happily, and I think providentially, I ran into a man there. I told him about my breast cancer and the healing retreat I have planned for a month at our farm vacation home. He told me of a woman, Judi, who had breast cancer and used nutrition as well as scripture and prayer to let God heal her without surgery, chemo or radiation.

I gave her a call and was told of her story and what she did as well as a resource to use.

She told me of Dr Lorraine Day and her books and tapes at drday.com. I have ordered them, but from what Judi told me I know I am on the right track.

As a bonus, it was worked out so that I was able to keep my appt at the church and the elder I spoke to gave me more resources–2 area oncologists who have nutritional counseling as part of their practices.

I felt so encouraged because not only do I feel like I am getting the info I need, but also, it showed me how compassionate God is to arrange these happy God incidents like hooking up with Judi and getting the names of doctors who can help in this nutritional journey.

This seems like it is all on the spiritual side today but it is not. God is concerned about every detail in our lives and I believe he arranges what we need for body, soul and spirit. We just need to remember to ask. Also we need to remember, he may not answer in the way we prescribe.

Changing Your Internal Environment–April 30, 2007

Realize that if you have or had cancer that you need to make changes. It is not enough to get surgery, chemo, radiation, etc. Current thinking is that you have cancer cells in your body regularly or at least periodically. Your body fights them off and no big deal. If, however, you developed cancer, whatever in your internal environment that allowed the cancer to grow needs to be restructured.

I have already talked about many physical ways to change. Realize that what you think and what you do spiritually may be even more important. Harboring bitterness, unforgiveness, or judgments of others especially of your parents leaves you wide open for disease. Dis ease means you are no longer at ease with yourself. You need to ask why.

So many diseases of the body, mind or spirit start with not forgiving. Withholding forgiveness is like sticking a knife in yourself to hurt someone else.

Forgiving is not just a decision you make, it is a miracle which you start in the moment you make the choice to forgive and it is finished in you by the work of God. Forgiveness is always supernatural. It is not easy or cerebral. It involves constant turning the matter to God. The Bible says “Vengeance is mine, says the Lord.” When we hold the slightest grudge, it makes our environment unhealthy, inside and out. The best book on this that I have ever seen is “Choosing Forgiveness” by John and Paula Sandford and Lee Bowen. It is available under resources in elijahhouse.org.

Most big hurts come to us from those really close to us. The biggest would be in our formative years especially involving our parents. It is not easy to see the places we have made judgments of our mom and dad, but it is crucial. The process must involve asking God to help and eventually coming to the point of forgiving the other person, yourself and any blame you put on God for letting the hurt happen to you.

It is best to enlist a trusted friend to listen to your confession as you speak forgiveness and ask forgiveness for any judgments you made rightly or wrongly. It is

not your job to judge anyone. When you do you will be judged also . It is a principle.

Start today making your environment more healthy. Choose forgiveness constantly for big and little things and look back to see where you have not done this in the past. Go through the process for every remembered hurt and then pray forgiveness for every unremembered hurt. It is hugely healing.

I promise this will be worthwhile though not easy.

Progress in Supplement Search April 28, 2007

I have made some progress on the supplement search. USP, which is for the United States Pharmacopoeia, is an independent certification agency which verifies potency and purity of nutritional supplements. I still have found no natural and organic products which are also USP certified.

These products are USP certified:

Nature Made, Nature’s Resource, Kirkland, Equaline, Berkley and Jensen, Nutriplus, Q-Gel, Sun Mark, Tru Nature, Your Life, and at least some product from Puritan’s Pride.

If a product is USP certified it will have a USP seal on it.

In 1994, for some strange reason, a new law was passed and supplements were no longer checked for potency or purity. Therefore, we are taking pills that could contain anything or any dose. They also stopped having companies prove their claims, instead proof was on the FDA to prove a supplement was harmful.

How do we protect ourselves? One way would be to take no supplements. In my view this is harmful choice. Another way is to speak with your pocketbook and buy USP supplements. Please email me if you know of a company which is USP certified plus natural and organic , but only if you won’t gain from passing on the info.

The spiritual counterpart is to be equally guarded in what we let enter our mind and spirits. Phil 4:8 Always think about what is pure. Think about what is noble, right and pure. Think about what is lovely and worthy of respect. If anything is excellent and and worthy of praise, think about those kind of things.

Composite of Supplement Recommendations

From “Beating Cancer with Nutrition”, “Antioxidants Against Cancer”, The Complete Cancer Cleanse”, and from the recommendations of a nutritionist, I have composite of basic recommended supplements. Take carotenoids, C, and E together. Zinc alone.

Natural mixed carotenoids 10,000-25,000 IU

Calcium 1,200-1,500mg

CLA 1-3 grams

Folic acid 400 mcg

Green tea 3 cups per day

Lycopene 15 mg twice a day

Selenium 200-400 mcg

Vit C 500-1000mg

Natural Vit E (d forms not dl) 200-800mg of d alpha tocopherol with mixed tocopherols

Vit A 10-20,000IU (higher doses must be monitored by blood tests

Coenzyme Q10 30-300mg

Lipoic acid 50-200 mg

Zinc 15- 30 mg

Melatonin at bedtime 3-20mg (The upper levels of doses should be under medical supervision as this is a hormone. Don’t take with blood cancers.

friday, april 27, 2007

Solitary Journey

We are so communal or tied together with others. We find comfort in that and are so used to journeying together. I think when you are faced with a possible terminal illness, no matter how your support system helps you, you feel alone.

This is not necessarily bad. A gift of being told you have cancer is that you have to deal with that aloneness and with mortality. The positive outcomes to this are that you get the opportunity to reflect, repent, rejoice and possibly make restitution.

I am finding that the best way to deal with these things is straight on. Instead of avoiding or distracting myself from these uncomfortable things, I do best to charge in.

The physical part of this is to allow myself to nest and deal as much a possible just with this for a time. I have the benefit of a husband who will let me do this, doing my research and nutritional forays into new territory.

The spiritual counterpart of this is taking time for a retreat with God to connect more deeply and find the rock solid bottom that I know is there, but sometimes does not feel there.

thursday, april 26, 2007

Stuck

I have been researching supplements not only what doses of what supplements but what brands are best. I feel like I am getting nowhere. I am going to enter my email address so that others who have journeyed here before me can help if they will. Please no sales people contact me. I read Patrick Quillan’s book, Fighting Cancer with Nutrition and I was excited about all he had to say until I realized that he was selling the products that he spoke about. I want a person who has nothing to gain to share info with me.

I am looking for something I can afford and a supplementing program that is reasonable in quantity also. Right now I am doing a program that I put together from my reading. It consists of handfuls of vitamins–not reasonable for long term.

I have checked out lef.org (Life Extension Foundation) and they sound really good (all pharmaceutical grade), but they are very expensive. I have looked into natural and organic but am unable to find anything that is independently certified for content and manufacturing practices (USP and MTP).

In the spiritual counterpart to this I feel stuck too. I want to be optimistic always, but that is not my make up. Even on the Tamoxifen, it seems I can feel the PMS pulling me down at the time it would occur normally without pharmaceutical interference. I know God is always there but sometimes I still feel so alone.

saturday, april 21, 2007

More on “It is good for me and my family.”

The next thing that happened to propel me forward was a second sermon that spoke about fearing nothing and no one except God. Again this was like a direct message to me. Although I took both of these messages into my heart, they did not immediately get rid of my fear.

I felt that literally the thing that kept the fear at bay was prayer–mine and others. Gradually though the “CANCER” in front of my face took on just the aspect of “cancer”. My fear of cancer began to morph into a fear that I could ever be separated from God. I even had a dream related to this. This dream seemed to further put the cancer in perspective. The cancer could kill me but only my priorities and my lack of love towards God could separate me from him.

I came to realize that a miracle is not so much God intervening in an unnatural way as the fact that God would be constantly present with a person. This cancer is a good thing for me and my family somehow even if it kills me.

The physical tip and spiritual one coincide in this case as fear is experienced fully in both the body and spirit. The tip is to trust God. He is good– all the time. Don’t waste time being angry or bitter or asking why. Keep walking through the valley of the shadow of death even though you don’t know what awaits you at the end.

saturday, april 21, 2007

It is good for me and my family.

The immediate reaction to cancer for me was disbelief then overwhelming fear. It is something you must experience to understand. I felt literally like there was huge threat labeled cancer right in front of my face 24 hours a day. It was there in my dreams and no matter what I was doing. I had people who told me just to be positive. This is unrealistic, I believe. I think that one must go through this. It felt like walking through the valley of the shadow of death. It is not fun but I think it is necessary.

Things started happening in my life to help me keep moving. I heard a sermon right after the diagnosis about remembering who we are. It used a film clip in which a Christian soldier in some past time was dealing with a crisis of manpower. The knights were all being killed. He made a decision to knight the common people, most of whom were farmers. After that brief ceremony, he spoke to a young man asking him who he was. The man replied he was a farmer. The leader slapped him and said “No, you are a knight. Never forget it!”

This made a huge impact on me. I felt like the cancer was my slap in the face reminding me who I am. I saw it at that moment as a good thing and felt that it would be a good somehow for me and for my family.

I will continue with this in the next entry.

friday, april 20, 2007

Supplementing

I have not addressed this because I am still confused about it. I have read many different sources and my conventional doctors (I have many now) range from ignorant but tolerant to anti supplementing. I am now taking handfuls of supplements based on my reading, but basically I still feel like I am feeling my way in the dark. I will address this more thoroughly when I feel more secure in my knowledge. I have been seeking a source of USP certified (meaning the content is certified as being what it claims), MTP certified (meaning it meets the US manufacturing standards) as well as being natural and organic vitamins and supplements. No luck thus far.

The spiritual counterpart of supplements as I see it are Bible Studies or Small Groups for Christian growth or prayer. The most amazing, concise, and practical study I have ever been in is through an organization called Elijah House International. It is a series to prepare Christians for what they call “prayer counseling”. Basically it is a summation of Biblical principles put in a very usable package, taught in a series of DVD’s over a period of 2 years. I am going through the program for the third time and it always amazes me with Biblical concepts that I did not completely implement before. The reason I equate this with supplements is that both are trying to get the most nutritional wallop into the most compact form.

wednesday, april 18, 2007

Things with Substance

The tip of today is to eat things with substance. Stay away from things that are white–white sugar, flour, rice, crackers, bread, etc. The things that break down slowly into the building blocks for the body are best because the body deals better with gradual release of sugars into the body than with surges. 80% of your diet should be made up of alkalizing foods. The best resource I found for information about this is the website– ph-ion.com. You can get a printout of acid producing foods as well as alkalizing foods. It is also the cheapest source that I found for Ph strips to test your saliva or urine to see if your body is slightly basic like it should be. Most people who develop cancer have acidic balances.

To simplify and summarize the foods that contribute to normal balance (slightly basic), most vegetables are good. Grains and fruits generally make the body acid, except citrus fruits which seem to be neutral. Milk products are questionable. They are put in both the acid producing and the basic depending on whom you read. Meat, poultry and fish make the body acid. There are a few exceptions to these generalities.

The spiritual counterpart to this is to be careful what you allow into your mind and spirit. Many things on television and in books are like the white sugar and flour–empty or damaging. Also, balance in our lives is key to our lives in all areas. The Bible, good music, encouraging people, nature, good books and fulfilling work help keep us in balance.

monday, april 9, 2007

Exercise

I read in Patrick Quillan’s “Beating Cancer with Nutrition” that 15 hours of exercise a week decreases the chance of cancer recurrence by 60%. This is a tough goal–3hours a day if you give yourself weekends off. I have been doing 5 to 10 miles a day on the treadmill and I find it hard to get that in. (10 miles would be about 3 hours for me.) So, my conclusion is that this is not supposed to be easy. However, the rewards are there if you can set an exercise goal and stick with it. I am learning something in perseverance and in multitasking. I can have some good talks with God on the treadmill.

The spiritual counterpart to this tip is running the race of Christianity. I think that learning to have a steady relationship without the huge ups and downs is my goal now. I have a past walk with God that was more like the hare in the “Tortoise and the Hare” story.

thursday, april 5, 2007

Housecleaning

This may seem like a strange topic for cancer tips. But actually I am talking about our bodies. I have been constipated all of my life which I think may have contributed to getting cancer along with my love of sugar and not liking to drink water.

In all of the alternative medicine books that I have read it speaks of the need to clear out toxins and the main way of doing this is through regular bowel movements. Since changing my habits, I have come to think of normal as 2 to 3 times a day.

The books that have helped me with this are “Fit for Life” by Harvey and Marilyn Diamond, and “Complete Cancer Cleanse” by Calbom, Calbom and Mahaffey.

To put it in a nutshell the things that helped me are these.

I have modified the fresh fruit only in the morning as advocated by the Diamonds to this: a fresh fruit smoothie with the addition of extra fiber and protein (I use hemp as I am allergic to whey). I also add a packet of Emergen-c ( a powdered vitamin c and b complex) and Very Green ( a powdered vegetable supplement with spirulina and other greens from Trader Joe’s) and Udo’s Omega 3,6,9 oil. (Flaxseed oil is another thing touted tho help reduce occurrence of breast cancer per Kevin Trudeau in “More Natural Cures Revealed”.) I put ice in and blend it first then add a fresh peeled orange and the rest of above ingredients. (I am not selling any products so know that I recommend something only because I like it.)

With my supplements, I take magnesium and golden aloe supplements. With all of the water and these measures, I now go 2 to 3 times a day as opposed to 1 to 3 times a week typically in the past. My abdomen used to hurt all the time and that has stopped. But more importantly, now the toxins are not sitting in my body doing their damage.

Along with this tip is the spiritual counterpart: cleansing that is needed constantly so that we don’t have bitterness which leads to a toxic spirit. This calls for daily confession and forgiveness. I will talk more of this later as it is especially crucial to healing and is not an easy process. Here are two resources to help.

James 5:16-17 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other, so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

Luke 7: 37-38 Do not judge and you will not be judged. Do not condemn and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven. Give and it will be given to you… For with the same measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Remember I am on a journey. I am not finished yet, so I am not saying all of this is accomplished in me.

wednesday, april 4, 2007

A down day

It is funny that I wrote about controlling emotions yesterday and today was the biggest downer I have had since my diagnosis. Is it hormones, is the diagnosis finally really sinking in, or is it that the active treatment has stopped and I am on my own now?

I told my husband and son about being down,and they pestered me with loving attention. With the help of my husband, I resisted a chocolate craving that was enough to slay me. I also emailed a friend to pray for me. And I feel better– wonder of wonders!

I did start listening to the Bible CD’s but they aren’t as helpful as the Psalms. Maybe I will have to just rest in the Psalms for a while until I am really ready to move on.

So, the spiritual tip is to use your resources to fight emotions. Prayer (yours and others), encouragement of loved ones, Bible passages, and the knowledge that the emotions will pass. Hold on and you will feel better. Resist old habits and their pull will grow less and less.

Here is the physical tip for today. Sugar feeds cancer, especially the sugar surges that you get form candy bars, pop, etc. That is why it was so important to resist the chocolate or sugar craving. Virtually all of the resources I have read agree with this, even an article in “Cures” at the doctor’s office. Another reference is Patrick Quillan’s “Beating Cancer with Nutrition”. Food will break down to sugars but simple sugars surge immediately into the system, and the cancer benefits from this and your body does not.

monday, april 2, 2007

Be Gentle on Yourself

monday, april 2, 2007

I was told by my cousin,Jim,to be easy on myself as I tried to make changes. This is good advice. Cancer makes you examine your life and see the shortfalls and sin.

Physically this may mean a lot of big changes, which I will address about one by one in separate blog entries. One by one, in my opinion, is the best way to implement these changes. Otherwise it becomes overwhelming. Hence, the physical tip of the day is “Be gentle on yourself.”

Spiritually, this is true also. Be gentle on yourself there also.

The first way to make it easier on yourself is to get prayer support. It is hard to control emotions after you are diagnosed with cancer. There is always the question of “Has it all been destroyed?” Up until this point I have had tremendous prayer support. Family, friends , and people I don’t even know have prayed for me. I could feel this literally lifting me out of fear–there is no more amazing thing. My advice to you is to find people who will pray for you through the toughest times.

Then deepen your roots so that you can drink your own comfort and sustenance from God. Now, I have pretty much finished treatment and I know that people have to move on. It is not possible to have people pray for you like that indefinitely. I know that I am going to have to develop deeper resources in my own Christian walk. Consistency and self discipline have not been my strong suits.

As I traveled through my cancer adventure so far, I have been relaxing in the Psalms and Proverbs or just cruising through the promises in the Bible. My plan now is to start going to sleep to New Testament Bible CD’s to keep me from fear.

I am taking my cousin’s advice and going step by step spiritually in a way that is easy on me. My experience with God is that He is that way–not overwhelming in wanting changes, but gentle.

I was told by my cousin,Jim,to be easy on myself as I tried to make changes. This is good advice. Cancer makes you examine your life and see the shortfalls and sin.

Physically this may mean a lot of big changes, which I will address about one by one in separate blog entries. One by one, in my opinion, is the best way to implement these changes. Otherwise it becomes overwhelming. Hence, the physical tip of the day is “Be gentle on yourself.”

Spiritually, this is true also. Be gentle on yourself there also.

The first way to make it easier on yourself is to get prayer support. It is hard to control emotions after you are diagnosed with cancer. There is always the question of “Has it all been destroyed?” Up until this point I have had tremendous prayer support. Family, friends , and people I don’t even know have prayed for me. I could feel this literally lifting me out of fear–there is no more amazing thing. My advice to you is to find people who will pray for you through the toughest times.

Then deepen your roots so that you can drink your own comfort and sustenance from God. Now, I have pretty much finished treatment and I know that people have to move on. It is not possible to have people pray for you like that indefinitely. I know that I am going to have to develop deeper resources in my own Christian walk. Consistency and self discipline have not been my strong suits.

As I traveled through my cancer adventure so far, I have been relaxing in the Psalms and Proverbs or just cruising through the promises in the Bible. My plan now is to start going to sleep to New Testament Bible CD’s to keep me from fear.

I am taking my cousin’s advice and going step by step spiritually in a way that is easy on me. My experience with God is that He is that way–not overwhelming in wanting changes, but gentle.

sunday, april 1, 2007

My Adventure Starts

I was diagnosed with breast cancer in Dec 2006 and had surgery in Jan 2007. Just this week I finished the last of 33 radiation treatments. Meanwhile, I have been reading and reading and reading. I have gone on the web and to health food stores. I have talked to nutritionists and people into alternative and complementary medicine.

It felt important to me not to be a passive victim and to meekly just do what the doctor tells me to do. I felt I need to be informed and to be part of the decisions.

Ultimately I feel like my life is in God’s hands and I am not in any way diminishing his power. He has the power to heal in any way he chooses. I am depending on Him. However, there are things I can do to help.

That is what this blog will be about. I want to help people avoid getting disease and to help people become healthy again. I want to share my research and experience and make it easier to put together a healthy way of life.

The most shocking thing I learned is that 1 in 2 men will experience cancer in some form and 1 in 3 women will. 1 in 8 women get breast cancer. It is easier to stop an invader before he has gotten a foothold inside the defending walls. So take these tips as pre-cancer tips if possible.

Here is the first tip– get a water filter and drink lots of filtered water. Do not let yourself become thirsty. Sip water all day long. Stop all pop and artificial drinks and drink water. It will start tasting good. Add lemon whenever possible. Start with this step and do it for a week and you will find yourself loving water. Do not ever use any artificial sweetener in your drinks or at all–only a slice of lemon.

The spiritual tip that is related to the above physical one is this: immerse yourself in your relationship with God. If you don’t have a relationship, start one. The book of John and 1 John are good resources on how to do this.

Then talk to God and listen to him talk to you. He talks to you very personally in the Bible. Tell him anything and everything, then listen to Him by reading the Bible. As you begin to understand the Bible as a book of living principles then you will be drinking the water that your spirit needs regularly.

Tag Cloud

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.