You may have noticed that I was unsettled and uncomfortable when recounting the healing service story. I felt like an idiot while there and again each time I tried to talk about it. Truly, I did not understand if God healed me or not.
Yesterday, at an appointment with my hair stylist, I felt like I got closure on the whole thing. Grace, my sweet and kind stylist, had just returned from a full gospel conference with 14,000 people in Florida. She was on fire and ready to be used by the Lord.
She told me all about the conference and we discussed the full gospel aspect of it. Then I told her about going to a healing service this summer. I told the story (pretty much as I communicated it in my blog, with all the embarrassing and confusing parts). She listened and then started talking, explaining some things.
As related to my answer to Billy Burke’s “Do you believe your are healed?” question and my negative answer, she said this statement. “You must have faith and do not doubt. Also, if you let words of doubt or weakness come out of your mouth, then Satan, who only knows your heart and mind by your words, knows exactly where to attack. He knows where your weak spot is because you revealed it.”
Grace went on to talk about a woman who said she did not want to be a burden to her family–she wanted to die at 60. She did–her expectations were the cause. Another story was about a missionary who was diagnosed many years ago with cancer and told that she would soon die. This woman said, “I do not accept that– I will live to my eighties as God had allotted.” She is still alive and thriving in her 70’s.
This is what I took away from the conversation. Many of us short circuit God’s plans for us by our negative expectations. If you could restate this simply, it could be– AS YOU THINK, YOU WILL SOON SPEAK; AS YOU SPEAK, YOU WILL SOON ACT; AS YOU THINK, SPEAK AND ACT, YOU WILL SOON BECOME. In other words these things eventually make up your character, your habits, your very being.
It is my firm belief that there is an assigned time for each person to die, and I don’t believe that we can manipulate God by what we think, say or do. However, I choose from this day to believe that I am healed and that the follicular lymphoma is gone. I choose not to speak or live as if it is still in me. God can choose to do as He sees fit, and I accept whatever He has planned. However, I will not have my negative thoughts or speech getting in the way of his perfect plan.
I AM WELL AND WHOLE. BY HIS STRIPES I AM HEALED. ALL OF MY SINS, DISEASES AND INIQUITIES ARE UPON THE CROSS. AMEN