This blog explores the physical, mental and spiritual aspects of total health with some children's stories thrown in to break the intensity.

Posts tagged ‘Elijah House’

Choosing Your Cloak


Through a long series of discoveries, my eyes were opened to the fact that I was wearing a cloak of self righteousness.  I am not saying that I was not a Christ follower–in truth, I belonged to Christ.  What I saw in myself was a goodie two shoes, a brown noser, a people pleaser, a person who needed to be good and right etc.  Self righteousness can be equated to setting yourself up as a god.  It is a very serious and destructive sin.

Our small group helped me pray through this (check out the book, Pray Through It, by Rob Morissette).  This process involves the RIPE acronym for “RECOGNIZE”, “INVESTIGATE”, “PRAY” and “EXPERIENCE”.

The first step was already done in that I recognized that I had this problem.  The second step of investigating could usually be done by asking questions of the person involved or their family, especially parents.  I had no clue as to the root of this, and my parents are dead.

So as a small group, we incorporated the “investigate”  into the “pray” part and prayed as a group that God would reveal where this pattern had started in my life.  God immediately gave me a sense that I started this pattern early on in order to steal favor from another family member.  Apparently, I had a mistaken notion that there was only so much approval to go around.  Approval equated with love in my childish thinking.  I set out to get more than my share of approval or love by being righteous.

The “pray” portion of the RIPE process also includes repenting.  I asked forgiveness of God and family members out loud in prayer with the small group and spoke forgiveness to any whom I may have felt did not give me enough love in my childish misperceptions.   I also looked for vows that I may have implemented in my life.  It seemed that I had a vow of ,”I must always be right.”  This vow was renounced and broken by the cross and blood of Christ.

The last step is to “experience”,  meaning to walk in new freedom.  I felt an immediate difference after this process– a lightness and the biggest change that I have noticed since I began this Elijah House “un-peeling the onion” process. (See previous Elijah House entries to understand this reference.)  I noticed that I could look in people’s eyes without fear that they will see the phony me inside.  No longer did I  cringe away from touches or hugs.  As a final part of this process, I went to the family member whom I had wronged to make amends.  He graciously forgave me.

The biggest freedom in no longer wearing the cloak of self righteousness is this:   I am now really free to be fully covered by the cloak of royalty as a daughter of the living God.  Great exchange!

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Christian, Elijah House, Healing the mind, Spiritual

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Prickly fruit


Oh maaannnn! I did it again. I am leaving the previous entry as part of the blog because it reveals part of the journey even though it needs this entry to complete the picture. Desiring to be a mature follower of Christ, I look for the evidence that this is so. And surprise, I always find it. Then wham! More revelation follows my self righteousness. And I am humbled.

My life mottoes have become “purify”, “simplify” and “make transparent”. So I tell this hoping it will be helpful to others.

Here it comes. After my surgery, I have had fevers. They seem more related to a respiratory virus that I had pre-surgery than to the surgical sites, which look and feel good for the most part. (I will call the surgeon again if the fevers continue.) In talking with my husband and trying to figure out why I go immediately to the worst possible conclusions in these things, he revealed this. I react in patterns which have been very visible to him, and probably to others, for as long as he has known me. I do not have balance on this issue.

When I see something bad happening to someone I care about or just something that scares me, I start looking for things in me. I expect all to be perfect, pain free and completely at top function even as I age. And when I find things that are not meeting these criteria, I research and find a name for it then try to get it fixed.

In the case of my re-reconstruction, I think it worked out for the best as I had some pretty funky looking breasts due to the shifting and flattening on one side. Plus, I am happy to have the silicone out–it gives me peace of mind.

However, as I have learned from Elijah House, which you can learn in the book Pray Through It by Rob Morrisette *, when there is a pattern of bad fruit there is a bad root and it must be prayed through to healing.

Lee and I have started the praying process, but can see thus far that my overreactions are based in fear which in turn is based in vanity. I feel that I should be completely issue free and that each thing that goes wrong should be addressed quickly and completely. That is partially true — we should be proactive in our health. However, we live in a fallen world and in bodies that will fail and eventually die. There must be a balance of learning to live with flesh that is moving towards failure while being proactive and pushing the envelope.

My bad root seems be from a mother who was very concerned with our health and had access to loads of health information as a medical librarian. This does not mean that her concern brought my bad fruit, but rather that my reaction to her concern did. My reaction was that I thought every health issue was of paramount importance, worthy of attention to the exclusion of other things. The lie that I believed is that things should center around me and my body.

I repent of my sinful reactions and chose to reject this lie. Instead, I will believe these truths: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. God did not give me a spirit of timidity and fear but a spirit of love, power and self discipline. Thank you Jesus.

Amen

*http://www.elijahhouse.org/

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Christian

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White Funeral


Following is a partial devotional from Oswald Chambers’ “My Utmost for
His Highest.” Not long ago this writing would have been absolute Greek to me. Now I understand, at least in part, the meaning.

Buried with Him … that … even so we also should walk in newness of life. Romans 6:4

No one enters into the experience of entire sanctification without going through a "white funeral" – the burial of the old life. If there has never been this crisis of death, sanctification is nothing more than a vision. There must be a "white funeral," – a death that has only one resurrection – a resurrection into the life of Jesus Christ. Nothing can upset such a life, it is one with God for one purpose, to be a witness to Him. … Do you agree with God that you stop being the striving, earnest kind of Christian you have been? We skirt the cemetery and all the time refuse to go to death. It is not striving to go to death, it is dying – "baptized into His death."

Something happened recently that enabled me not only to understand but also to live this white funeral.

Months ago, I started having rib pain in various areas along with very specific hotspots of pain in other places like superficial tissue in the chest area as well as around my left implant. Visits to the oncologist as well as x-rays and ultrasounds showed nothing there.

Being a medical research librarian’s daughter, my way of dealing with such a thing is to do research. This I did on my trusty Mac.

In my estimation, it seemed like a silicone implant rupture was the cause. The pain coupled with the fact that my left breast(implant) looked different (flatter and smaller) gave me reason to believe that.

An MRI did not really give clearcut answers. I made a visit to a plastic surgeon with my theories. He did not weigh in on the possibility of rupture, however, he agreed that symmetry was not there. His theory was that the implant had shifted downward and had spread out so that it was much flatter.

Next,I made a visit to my oncologist to keep him in the loop. Apprising him that the pain was not diminishing but spreading brought a grave look to his face that only cancer patients get to know. It is THE LOOK, the one they get when the doctor feels cancer is there or is advancing. Dr. T ordered bone scans, as well as chest, pelvis, and abdomen CT scans.

In the waiting time between this visit and getting the results, I experienced a “white funeral”. Those of you who know me recognize that I am somewhat of a pessimist by nature. This was not the first time that I thought I was dying–this was the time I “died”.

There has been so much preparation since my diagnosis with cancer that I was ready for this death. This time there were no histrionics, no tears, no talking at great lengths about “what ifs”. There was a simple acceptance and a deep trust in God. My prayers became simply “Your will be done.”

Well, the tests came back, and not only was there no evidence that the cancer was advancing, it had actually receded somewhat.

I went ahead with re-reconstruction. Having the silicone implants out seemed like a great idea–they were a bad choice and an area of concern for me.

The implant was not ruptured. The plastic surgeon was right. The implant had slipped downward and sideward.

I have saline implants now. The mystery pain remains a mystery. It is still there.

The upshot of this is that after having “died”, all of my life is a gift from God. This is immensely freeing. I can live in whatever way God directs because I already died. My life can be for Him now. And my clear goal is to bring everyone possible to heaven with me.

In truth, I know me. No Joshua or Caleb here. All perseverance in our relationship comes from God’s side. Yet, I think recognizing this gives me an advantage. I know how dependent I am on God, and I come with empty hands for him to fill and use.

This is a wonderful place to be– empty and listening. Ready to be filled and used. Praise God!

ing

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