The bone marrow biopsy to determine the stage of the lymphoma was done today at Lake Forest Hospital. Many people were praying for me and all went very well– no pain just a little post-op soreness. I woke up in recovery singing and praying. Amazing!
Many personalized verses were going through my mind: By his stripes I am healed. I am his workmanship created for good works in Christ; he calls me to offer up myself a living sacrifice. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. On the cross he has borne all of my sins, iniquities, diseases and sicknesses. I am the temple of the living God; he dwells in me. He has full permission to penetrate every fiber of my being, body, mind and spirit. If I have the faith as big as a mustard seed, I can say to this mountain move form here to there and it will be done. He holds together the whole universe with a word, he holds me together too. He knit me together in my mother’s womb. The joy of the Lord is my strength. What a mighty God I serve. Though he slay me yet will I trust him. ( And I do not feel like he is slaying me but healing me, but I abide by his decisions whatever they may be.) These obviously are not quotes but they contain the meaning of many Bible verses.
There is another subject that I wish to address today. Many times I have said that if given the choice to go back and skip the cancer adventure or to go through it all again, I would choose to go through it. This has baffled some, so I wish to explain.
Intertwined with the cancer experience has been the Elijah House healing. The cancer made me open for whatever God had for me and Elijah House provided the vehicle for healing.
All of my life, I have prayed for things to be smooth and easy. Life to me was not an adventure but an avoidance of pain and mishaps. There was a huge component of doing things right, pleasing people and making all look good.
This has shifted like the ground shifts in an earthquake. My life has become about God now, not about me and my smooth and easy path. The joy of the Lord has truly become my strength. He has plans for me and I don’t want to miss a minute of the adventure (although I would be happy to pass on any more health crises). I have become a different person with a spirit like Caleb. It amazes me as I am not naturally that way. It is all a God thing. Know that none of this is my doing and no credit goes to me in any way. It is my hope that this clarifies my statement “I would choose to go through this all over again.”
My new adventure in the healing process is to try to get out of God’s way in healing me. He is developing a faith in me to replace my old cynicism. It is another great journey. “I believe, help me in my unbelief.”